i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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