i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
