ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
