the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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