3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
