Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
