Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
