did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
