Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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