no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
