dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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