I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
