Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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