I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
