I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
