Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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