Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
