Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
