Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
