Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
