suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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