Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
