It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
