3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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