if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
