Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
