And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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