"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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