I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
