Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
