sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
3pm strippers are depressing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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