is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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