I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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