I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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