Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
