how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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