We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Randomize
