she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
