Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
