It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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