I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
