u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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