woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wear drunk well.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
