Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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