New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
