do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
