So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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