1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
