I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
