I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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