I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
