she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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