I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
