OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
