I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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