i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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