I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
