He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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